For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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