I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
