I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We had sex on a dog bed..
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
