the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
