I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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