Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
