Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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