My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He felt like a one man threesome
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
