I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
