It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
