I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
