when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
