ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
