The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
