Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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