I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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