ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
