If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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