then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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