we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize