wat bout pragnant strippers??
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
