I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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