Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
