dude i'm inner monologue high
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
