grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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