I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
