I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
