I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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