So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize