Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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