had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
