my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
