I will die if light touches me.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
