If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize