So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
