Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
