he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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