I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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