1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
