my vag is so smooth its legendary
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
