just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Who died my cat blue again?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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