all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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