The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
