i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
