she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
