i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
