So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
