Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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