i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
