She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize