two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
