honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We had sex on a dog bed..
Randomize
