I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
