i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
