dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
True but thats because hes a fetus.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
