did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Nicole vs. Life
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
