What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
