Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
