Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize