If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
