So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
