I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
