After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
