This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
