I have demons in me.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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