cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
