Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
