Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
COCAINE IS GR8
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
