I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize