Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
