Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
