Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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