i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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