i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
