I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Please don't give away my fajitas
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