Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
