I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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