Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
