she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize