u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
oh god the rape fog is back!
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
