there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
