yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Randomize
