you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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