I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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