Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I touched a dick in church today
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
