I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
