2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
