YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
