Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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