You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
