Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
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