I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
