i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
When are your genitals available?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
