I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
