Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
