This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
