why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I think your dad took our porno
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
