she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
i think my cat just said my name.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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