she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
