So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
