i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
