haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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