if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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