she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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