I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
